I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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