# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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