only you would photoshop your dick
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
