just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize