can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
