Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
