I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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