he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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