he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I need water and some morals
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
