They should really pass out barf bags in church
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
