I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
