Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
