Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Randomize
