you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
This is the high leading the old right now
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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