I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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