You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
