Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
