I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
