So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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