My cat gives me a boner
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
