hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
