I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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