I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
