I forgot how hot balto sounded
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
My life is pants optional.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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