So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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