i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Oh god it's open bar.
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