Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
