Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
