Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize