ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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