Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
