The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
