hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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