who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
