I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I love having hate sex.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
