Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
