): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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