butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
