I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
