I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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