True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
