I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
It's official drugs can't kill me
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
