swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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