would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
