You smell like a Billy Joel song
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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