you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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