He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
