cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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