You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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