no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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