Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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