just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I think people are normalizing furries
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
