I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
