Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
