i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
