Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
