Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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