Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
