he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
