It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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