she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
