Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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