Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize