I can text with my tongue
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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