I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
