I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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